I am afraid to write anything — I have been afraid, for a month now.  I no longer trust what this mind is contemplating.

Seriously,

I fear how far it is willing to go — deeper and deeper into the darkness, the proverbial abyss.

So, instead of compiling words with extreme angst and disillusions, I'd rather wait, until I am able to tame this mind into not affecting my state of being through it's rampant thoughts.

I know, it sounds pseudo-quasi-emo, but, that's what it is, at the least in these parts of the mind.

Breathe.

didn't we celebrate your birthday like last month or two months ago?

Yes, we did.  See, I was running a social experiment. I told (via twitter, facebook and word of mouth) everybody that it was my birthday on two other days:

• 15th of May
• and 15th of June (I do consider myself a Gemini)

Why would I do such a thing? Well two reasons:

1. How social are these social networks? When the same people, still, wish you happy birthday on two wrong dates (separated by a month)?
2. Secondly, I never celebrate my birthday.

The second is probably more important:

I am not a being to be celebrated. I am not  important.

I am of the hope that, I will lurk in the background of existence, causing ripples, but never be the tsunami.

Alas, in the past 20 years or so, I am always with my mother, grandma and/or sister.  These are truly, the only women (most likely the only people) that understand what it was for me to be born, I'd rather celebrate them on my birthday.

Alas, I am 33 years old.

40, be knocking.

ka SePedi bare …

then he inserts an English metaphor. I like that.

That is exactly what I want to do, ka SePedi bare:

… life happens whilst you are making plans.

That is the truth, that is what I find solace in.  I rarely achieve any of my long term goals/plans — even mid-term goals are hard to achieve, but give me a short-term plan, I swear ka Mme waka, I will achieve it (assuming it is possible).

Surely, the text books don't agree with this, we are constantly told to have a plan, a dream, a goal, I agree with them, but I do not agree on the idea that is has to be attained. We may wish to have it realised, but, it ain't going to be easy:

… why set yourself up for failure?

So, I have a long term goal:

… travel the world.

I like that goal. It says nothing about emotions nor when it has to be done, but it can only be achieved by constantly doing it in small parts:

… go here, go there, come back, move there, come back …

I have stopped teaching. I no longer find myself wanting to "teach" anybody — and I think that will reflect on this here book:

I will write thoughts without need, want or agenda.

/word

Alas, I have moved to Cape Town (if you didn't know).  I know this is exactly where I am supposed to be, for now, for tomorrow, but not for ever, my heart wants to take me somewhere, else, which I don't know yet.

Wait, back to that heart — I have this feeling, this idea, this emotion I get when I see certain imagery, that gets my mind dreaming of where I need to be, then like:

Ka-POW!

My heart starts beating stronger, not faster, but stronger, almost like (assuming you have owned a pet before) when you start pouring food onto your cat's/dog's bowl: that physical excited reaction they do waiting and knowing that this is exactly what they need.

I can't explain it better than that — I have it, I yearn for that feeling everytime, when that dream crosses my mind.

I should chase it — although, I don't believe in chasing dreams, I do do believe in realising dreams, though.

contradictory?

I don't know, but I need to realise this "new" dream.

It will be.

But, today I got a new thought in my mind, through a blog I stumbled apon (via 5OH7):

why is there something and not nothing? — Zoketsu Norman Fischer

I am thinking about "nothing", right now.

So, this is going to be quick.

You know that phrase:

light prevails over darkness.

or something similar to that.  I assume this refers to:

good vs. evil?

Well it just got crazy dark outside and a thought passed my mind:

if light prevails over darkness, what light are we talking about? Artificial light electricity, paraffin or gas powered?

… ahhh shit — I just got a call, and this narrative doesn't make sense to me anymore, but I'll leave it here, so that maybe you can make sense of this madness.

Oh, I think what I was eluding to is:

if light prevails over darkness, and that light is artificial, it won't always last, you'll need to keep fighting the darkside — no reference to StarWars, :)

Ja, something like that — I think I wrote a while back, or I have thought about something similar for sometime:

why are we constantly fighting to be good — why does it take a lot more effort to be a better person than it takes to be and do evil?

If science serves me right, everything moves through the path of least resistance, and in most cases, most things take the natural course of things, never go against who/what they are.

Something, something, something — you tell me your thoughts, I swear there is something here that I just can't find the right mind-finger coordination.

I was en-route to lala land about 6 or 7 hours ago.  I have been up since, doing nothing but surfin' the net, as it were — found nothing cool though.

I have been toying with the idea of moving here (Capetown) for quite sometime, but I do believe now, this is where I need to be:

not to grow, not to do any of those things that you tell yourself when you are in your mid-twenties and life seems like a thing that needs changing.

This is the town, I need to be.

Let me saying it again: this is the town I need to be.

From a business perspective, I do not think Capetown is as aggressive as Johannesburg is, or should be — I notice a lot of creativity out-here, but that does not even motivate me as I would have imagined (or dreamt of sometime 3 years ago)

but I do sense — there is an engine of creative people in business (I say creative not in the artistic sense, but creative in, well, ability to create) that a lurking somewhere in the shadows of the nightlife.

and those are the people I intend to seek and find, with the hopes that one would be able to transcend from 'ideas' to 'creating'.

Alas — I am not going to move to Capetown with that as a priority, I will move here, for 6 six months as an escape from Johannesburg and work.

I want to just chill, relax and engage with people, time and space.

That is, all — well, if only I could now just fall asleep.

I am at a Wimpy, at the airport (OR Tambo International).  In the smoking room/corner. Waiting for my 9.10am flight to Capetown. Smoking and drinking bad cappuccino.

Wimpy has never mad good coffee — ever, but they have a smoking room and thus we are here.

hey, why do smoking rooms at airports smell like last night?

I am on my second trip to KaapStaad in a month.  I've never done that before, ever.  Moreso, I've never traveled so much in short space of time.

I could not be anywhere else in the world right now, but exactly where I am.  I love traveling.  Strangely, I can't claim that: love traveling, I don't do a lot of it to call myself a traveler, but, one small step at a time, many times.

I have traveled way too much times in my mind that, the dream becomes a fantasy — the mind demands empirical evidence to generate the dream, if you know what I mean.

Alas, there is a guy next to me reading this (yes you — stop reading my words), :-)

I have a one-way ticket — I don't know when I am coming back, my true self doesn't ever want to come back, but my honest self knows I will be back, to go back permanently (end of May, well, that is just a plan).

I gotta go to a bar somewhere — I'll write again in Capetown.

1ove, nomad.

Alas, If we assume for a moment and accept the following analogy

that life is a game.

then, (the pseudo-profound-thought is):

each and everyone has a role to play in this game: a coach, a player or a spectator?

I was going to tweet that, but my thoughts ran beyond 140 characters.

So, assume you are a coach:

… this means you know what, who and when to get things done, but not really able to do it yourself (or this could be read as: you need others and you know who they are).

If you are a player (and I assuming more people would like to be this, but in reality they are spectators)

… you have the 'technical' know how to achieve a task, although if you are not in the right position you won't be able to achieve them (or rather if you never know what position to play)

I also thought it is worth noting that, as a player you could play different roles to defend, attack or create opportunities presented.

and a spectator:

you enjoy or hate life (okay, hate is a strong word, but I don't have to time to think of another) or rather the life created by others (player/coach) — constantly observing life from the outside, never really partaking in it. This does not however mean the value of life you enjoy is lesser, observers are key in any society (philosophy is an example).

All these roles are key to the game (ala life) without any of them there is no game to, ahem, play.

All this is an analogy — more-so a thought that came to mind whilst waiting for water to boil, the water has boiled, I'm going to make my cuppa.

/word

A friend of a friend was celebrating his last day as a single man, I believe the term is Bachelors. I'll be honest I'm not a strip-club individual, but, I only went along so I can know about what it is about, you know, body of evidence type thing?

I don't know much about running a strip-joint, but I know Malasha had not thought theirs is proper (or maybe they did)

The girls, women, strippers have to walk through the crowd to get to the, ahem, pole.  Which is okay when they are about to perform, but after their performance, they have to walk past the same crowd to head back to their, ahem, rooms. 

Which is odd considering their are strippers (they take their clothes off) and have to walk past the same 'aroused' mense?

I guess maybe the bouncers are on point — or that's part of the marketing and 'sales'?

but I digress.

Well, after the strip-show we headed to a 'special-bachelors' room to get a private dance for the soon-to-be-groom.

and there it was:

for as far back as I can remember, till that day, I had never been attracted to Indian women, never saw them in that sexual light (or lack of).

till our private-dancer started doing her thing, yes, she was an Indian girl.

… from that day/night I am a changed man.

Which is great, I think.

With the advent of micro-blogging that has become difficult, arguing on twitter is like your phone ringing every second paragraph you utter — the interruptions break the conversation flow.

… how can a debate be allowed to persist on twitter — how much can you say with 140 characters to spare?

So, I have decided never to engage in debate over twitter — imagine security guards arguing with walkie-talkies, not a very efficient way to convey a thought.

What I wanted to say on this essay is:

inasmuch as enjoy arguing and debating things — I refuse to debate with anybody who fails to set a baseline for the argument.

you know? Its like an Atheist arguing with a god-fearing-believer, that debate is going nowhere:

… because both are not willing to accept each others baseline argument.

The debate, argument will go on forever — as a matter fact, I refuse to engage an argument with anybody that fails to accept what is known (or accepted) to be true:

… for every argument there is, almost, always an anchor of fact that the debate is based on — without it, what exactly are we arguing about?

q.e.d

It is no longer important to look at what was or what will be, what is important is right now, right here.

be in this moment, this very second, this very minute, right now.

do no reflect on how you got here or where you will be because of this moment — in fact do not reflect at all.

enjoy this very minute, this second, this moment.

… try and do that everyday at least once — enjoying a moment without having to make sense of what it means beyond the fact that it is a moment to be in, right now, right here.

*ps: the minute you observe this moment, right now, right here — it is not longer right here, right now, you are already on your next moment.

enjoy.

I wish I didn't feel it
I know it just ain't right
But it seems to pop up in my head
Morning, noon, and night
I just can't release it
The memory of you
Mama never told me
Love would leave me so damn blue

1ove, melancholy.

… spend all your time waiting, for that second chance. For a break that will make it okay.  There is always some reason to feel not good enough, and it's hard at the end of the day.

… I need some distraction, oh beautiful release, memory seep from my veins. Let me be empty and weightless and may I'll find some peace tonight.

… and the words are absolutely perfect — if you remember the show The Pretender, that was the first I heard it. It was also on that movie with Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan: City of Angels.

1ove, melancholy.

…after all that has been said and done. I won't ask you where you're going. Don't keep in touch.  I don't miss you much, except sometimes early in the morning.

Now, use your silver tongue once more, there's one thing that I'd like to know. Did you ever believe the lies that you told? Did you own the fool's gold that you gave me? — Lhasa de Sela (Fool's Gold).

1ove, melancholy.

Tomorrow, we start teaching again — I had vowed never to do it, but alas, I am doing it, again.  I do sense that this will be the last time I do it 'till 2013.

Don't believe what they tell you — teaching is exhausting.  There is a fundamental difference between wanting to know something and having to know it.

Furthermore, there is a difference between that and needing to know.  My job, and I do suspect it is not to teach anybody anything, but to create the 'environment' for them to learn it.

I'd go as far as to say:

nobody is ever taught anything.

I neither have the temperament to explain that nor do I have all my 'arguments' in line to support that — I only sense it.  I suspect someday, I'll come back to this, for now, lets roll with it.

I am some how looking forward to this academic year — I envision a good year, and that 'good' is not reliant on what the learners will be producing or of what calibre they are, all I know is:

… come end of December, they will be that good.

For someone who is almost an atheist, I tend to have a lot o' faith in things I am not in control of.  I never like the word belief, it sounds devoid of reason.

Okay, I digress — let me get back to planning for school.

Until, until.

the multitudes of thoughts and dreams (or nightmares) that come with not telling somebody you love them are worse than the pain of knowing, for a fact, the person you love does not love you.

… I think, if you have not told that person, you mind wonders in two possibilities simultaneously:

1. you tell them and they love you too
2. and you tell them and they don't.

So, if you let them know how you feel, you will know which of the two it is — and thus the misery (or joy) is one of the two and not both.

In theory, anyway.

… today I did just that.

… now, here is my dilemma: I am more afraid of the consequences (or lack thereof) of what I just did.

… alas it is done.  But, here is a question I have.  If you are to live by that mantra, then my question is (or rather a statement):

there are 365 days in a year — how many things scare you?

I'd like to think the older you get, less things scare you, no?  In fact one should not be afraid of a lot of things — it's a terrible way to live, no?

Now we wait and see what the world with throw at me for being bold;  I am sure there are reasons why some things should never be done:

safety in familiarity.

We shall see in front.

Alas, I woke up this morning with this thought in mind:

Who am I?

That is supposed to be what the hell is I? As in I, the pronoun.  Who am I, to put everything after me? You know like?

I love you; I am (verb); I think; I, I, I; I this; I that;

What lies behind that I, what exactly is it? How exactly do you start defining it.  I bet you nobody on the planet can truly and completely tell who they are.  So, why this obsession with self?

The first thing you learn in Buddhism is letting go of the idea of self, the I, the conceited idea of self — ain't nothing more selfish than describing yourself.

But, then again, how does one survive this maze of existence without being and acknowledging that existence?

I (ironic huh?) think the minute one places that pronoun before everything else, that in itself implies whatever the meaning of 'I' is now, is in the past, it is no longer what you are after you say it.

The I, is almost a snap-shot of what you can say about yourself at that moment in time — an opinion is only an expression of a thought.

Wait, then, just, maybe thats exactly what the I is, a collection of thoughts of what you are, maybe.

Meditate on this, I will.

Strangely, if I wake up after the sun has risen, I am less productive than if I wake up before it does.  Something special about a natural-organic alarm clock, its a peaceful wake-up clock. 

You know what, everytime an alarm rings my heart skips a beat, in fact, I generally have my phone on silent, the sudden ringing does the same to my heart, which I am assuming in the long run it ain't good for my heart.

A lot of things are not good for my heart, a lot.  Which is why it is better not to feel a thing, emotions are detrimental to my heart.

I still find it amazing that an emotion can actually be felt physically through the heart, even though emotions are all in the mind. 

I like that, the body manifesting an intangible entity.

Oh, just after I wrote that post yesterday, I found out that my sister is starting her own Law Firm (the firm baby, volume 2!).  Which most likely means, I'd have to get shit moving quicker by April or I will have to take an early retirement and get me a good paying job, to support my sister in her new venture.

I believe, I have done quite a bit for my family, but the minute I go downstairs to make coffee I get that overwhelming feeling that I have not done anything.  In fact I think I have done more for people outside of my family than I have for my family.

As gratifying it might to have aided people in realising their dreams, it is quite upsetting that none of them are family.  That must change.  In fact, I need to find my Buddhist book, I haven't seen it since I moved back.

I need to still this mind — then train it to focus on one thing and one thing only: family.

Err, so why the elephant in the room? (I love this metaphor, by the way: it is simple as it is visual, I mean: how can one ignore an elephant in the room? how the hell did it get to be in room? can you imagine somebody trying to smuggle an elephant? LOL).

… back to the elephant.  Not a waking minute do I not think of her, not one, but I think now I understand it, I understand that phrase: unrequited love.

… but, I am good.  That realisation is what I needed, now we start rebuilding that proverbial Cancerian shell.  If I was a crab, I'd say in the past 8 weeks I'd been turned upside down with my 'belly' exposed, but we are swinging (left to right) till we catch enough momentum to back on all eight.

Whoever said: it is better to have loved than to have not loved at all, has only imagined what love is.

'till the next (soapie) episode.

This (lack of power) might make me consider moving out of mom's house, again.  I am not keen on renting a flat, I want a house, free-standing.

But, the upside is that I am writing again on this here book.  So the power cuts are good for something – even though I have two hours of battery life I am not keen to do any work that I won't finish properly.

Wait, I just got a thought:

… this lack of power is quite symbolic.  I could infer it to that love situation I am dealing with.

But, I am on that last phase of love, when it fades.  The only good thing about being a Cancerian is that, we know how to make love fade away:

we know how not to love (well at least to never, ever, again feel that emotion).

The catch is that it will take another 5 more years to wear down these walls that I am efficiently, silently and painfully building.

*but then again, that is only a catch if I matter.

(moving right along)

I know I have said I want to retire by the age of 35 (which gives me 3 years before that happens).  I am no longer sure of that:

if the current state of affairs at home: as in the entire family (including extended family members) stays the same by the time I hit 35.

My retirement will be from self-employment into full-time employment.  There is no way my family can be at the same state it was in when I entered this world, by the time I die.

… these degrees I hold and the experience I have should amount to something that my family can benefit from.

It is a fantastic thing to realise your true passion/potential and try to exploit it, but, it is another thing to realise that in-fact that potential can be maximised if another path is chosen.

I believe, a path chosen is only a path chosen.

I will have to reflect on that.

Alas, I came back from Coffee Bay (Eastern Cape). As I wrote that two thoughts came to mind:

1. the Eastern Cape is rural, and I mean, rural: if you were to pick up a history book from say, 200 years ago, you will find the same thing: economically, architecturally.  Sure the society has progressed a bit, but they are still far behind.
2. I forgot the second one, sorry.

Oh, I think it was, that silly thing called love.

It is probably the first time, that I can't even tell close friends who it is that is driving me crazy, but some might have a clue, and I think that is part of what the problem with it is, nobody to share the drama and thus get a wing-man.

I've been trying to understand why I do feel this way 'bout this girl:

I have all the reasons why this love won't work than I do for it.  There is nothing there to love, but the emotion she evokes.

ain't that some said shit?

(back to coffee bay).

It is a beautiful place, absolutely, except there is that Xhosa thing that Xhosa people do when you greet them not in Xhosa

they ignore you.

I can understand some traditional reasoning for it, but when a white person greets them, they respond, which for me is worse, at the least birds of the same feather flock together, no?

(back to love)

What are the stages of love? if such a thing exists.  I suspect I am at that stage where:

… we gotta forget about her. (Lenny Williams)

(singing along)

girl you know that I love you, no matter what you do."

I agree, Lenny Williams' song is probably the saddest-beautiful soul, love song ever written, ever!

I will stop writing, before I start sounding like a bad episode of (insert-soapie-of-choice).

'till the power returns.

an interjection is in order.  This is the reason, I prefer to hide, dam it. In the words of The Verve:

… love is noise. love is pain. love is these blues that I singing again, again, again, again …

dam it, dam it, dam it.

no more I say, no more --- well, until next Summer.

If you are not into geeky/nerdy ish you can ignore this essay.

With that said, here we go --- in my defence: I am in a very hot room and extremely tired, so I am easily irritated.

So, with that energy I can rant.

You know that thing, that twitter calls: trends? If not, it's okay you don't have to be on twitter regardless of what that person's bio on twitter says:

social media strategist --- but, one of these days I will write another essay about how this [social media strategist] is a farce (read: bull shit).

So, a twitter trend is described as:

the most common phrases currently appearing in messages.

Which is fantastic when

1. Obama was getting inaugurated;
2. or when the swine flu hit;
3. or when the plane landed on The Hudson river;
4. or when Michael Jackson died;
5. or when the Sugababes lost/fired that not-so-pretty black girl;
6. or when the FIFA Confederation Cup went down;
7. or when we (South Africans) were voting;
8. or when the Iran election thingy-magic-thing went down
9. or when something is happening right now

I hope you are following my, chain of thought --- the beauty I find in twitter is that a topic trends because people are talking about the same thing that is going on outside of twitter (and trending-hash-tags are topics within a virtual system).

I read on Wired (Clive Thompson on How the Real-Time Web Is Leaving Google Behind):

Google organized our memory. Real-Time Search [Twitter] organizes our consciousness." — Edo Segal

What that implies to me is that Twitter tells us what the collective conscious is thinking; talking about; or experiencing; but the important thing is:

What our reality is, right now.

Now, note (I know I sound condescending, but hey, an argument is laid out to be won, no?) the key words in that is conscious and reality.  That means we are thinking in context to our existence, which I can construe to mean: our current environment (state of the being, maybe?)

Now, enter those, hash-tagged trending topics --  I will admit they were fun in the beginning: #chrisbrownsbowtie was quite funny, from an observation point of view --- I know South Africans are proud of trending: #whenwewereyoung (or something like that).

But, my question is:

beyond the short term gratification of 'being the person who started a trend' what value are they to our 'collective consciousness'?

You see my rant: I hate trend setters, period.

*sips on more coca-cola.

*inhales nicotine.

Yeah sure, this rant of an essay won't stop them and you might not agree:

but I'd like to think as a social collective there is an inherent good our shared experiences bring about (que: iran-election).

If that is not true -- then, what social contract (by this I mean as people there is way we engage with each other in real life that is not supposed to be harmful, but useful to each and everyone involved) is there in a social network, if assuming it is a indeed a social network?

*phew, at least that's off my chest.

Why am I more motivated and inspired to work since I've moved back home, to Mom's crib.

I think it has to do with the space - how things are arranged.  It feels more comfortable to sit on this desk and work than to sit anywhere else, and the minute I sit down, I want to work, and I do work, without fail.

I mean, look at the time, it's 6h15, I woke up at 5.30 (I've done the same for all of this week).

I suspect it is the sun.  It floods this room as if it rises from it.  I am better woken up by the rays of the sun than a sudden, abrupt sound of an alarm.

In fact, one of these days an alarm is going to cause me a heart attack, it is mad scary that sudden noise.

Alas, lets get to it --- churn this work.

Wait, I actually have nothing to say about that -- but there is this thing, that is missing, in this life of mine, but it could be because I sense a change in the clouds, or is that a tea cup.

You know that thing that fortune tellers do, with tea leaves in a tea cup --- I sense something like that.

But, there is a residual feeling/emotion lingering within my thoughts, I am not sure what it is, but I sense it --- maybe it has something to do with a girl (or the lack thereof) we are not sure.

This weekend was good, very good.  We celebrated life, fully, and we met a girl.

Something about meeting a girl is beautiful.

Yes, that's it --- it's all about a girl.

We are home.  I am sitting on a bed, a bed, yes, a bed.  The futon is on my left with a gang load of things on top it.  I am no longer feeling the futon vibe, it worked when I was in my early twenties.

The things on top of it, are things that my mother 'stored' in my room/penthouse.  I don't know what they are, but I don't quite care.

I am motivated to work, but I don't have my desk setup, the roof leaks, so I can't risk putting 50 grand worth of equipment in the line of sight of rain drops, especially in Summer.

I am however listening to Regina Spektor's "Laughing With", I love this song:

and I quote:

No one's laughing at God when they see the one they love hand in hand with someone else and they hope that they're mistaken.

…

We're all laughing with God

It is a beautiful song.

We have moved back to my mothers house.  I suspect, if don't curb my interest, this will be what my weekends end up as.

I would not live in the cbd -- I can sense the value, or is it the sentiment of it?  I love my corridor.

I have corridor of places I'd live in:

killarney, saxonwold, rosebank, parkview, parkhurst, parkhood, parktown north and greenside.

*oh, that reminds me: I need to change my GPS location on my twitter account.

Anywho, it's only 8am on a Sunday, sippin' on some beer, planning to go to Emmarentia for Goldfish and 340ml.  Well I might go, not really sure.

This planning about where I am going to sleep is a tad bit of an inconvenience.

Somehow though, I feel driven, focused to put in some work --- get these other ideas of the ground.

We shall see in front.

*oh, that two posts a day might be pushing it.

I am at the time where I am, once, again flooded with beautiful ideas, absolutely beautiful ideas, I am debating if I should share them or keep them to myself.

Strangely two ideas I had in the past 2 months have been executed by somebody else --- it is sad, but here is there thing, if you have a good imagination, it matters not who beats you to market, because the ideas keep flowing like champagne at a Puff Daddy birthday party.

Alas, that's all I got for today --- at least we posted something today, keeping inline with my plan.

Oh, by end of tomorrow, I should know where I am moving to --- moving houses is boring.  I don't know where I am moving to, but push comes to shove I'll be moving back to my mother's house, Alexandra Township.  Till we find a wooden floored apartment, I am not going anywhere.

ah, well, till tomorrow.

Alas, one can't be quiet for a month, it's bad form, me thinks.

So, we shall try to run a test we tried on Sinah, awhile back -- forcing myself to find something to write everyday, and not only that, write at least 2 posts a day.

So, today what do we write about?

*thinking

*thinking

*thinking

Isn't that silly --- writing that you are thinking, when effect the thinking happens before one writes?

*thinking

*thinking

Okay, the thing on my mind is the iphone --- I've put in a request for one (well a request is a bad word, it should be order).

Those that know me, know how much I hate 'gated' communities (facebook, northern-suburbs, iphone, blackberry).  But, the question is why did I then order an iphone.

Well, simply put --- the user interface is beautiful.  I hate ugly human-interaction-systems, period (or coma).

But,

*lol --- I left the browser window to answer some IM, now I forgot what I was saying.

... o ne o tlo bua maaka.

ah, well --- till tomorrow.

Humanity.

Why haven't we acquired that illusive state of harmony, peace and collaborating existence (not sure what this is)?

Le me put the man on the stairs in context.  For as long as I have lived in this complex (block of flats) the one constant person that I greet in the morning is the man that cleans the stairs and parking lot, collects and removes garbage (other peoples garbage: I am not comfortable with the idea that a man way older than me should clean up my garbage).

I've never seen him have lunch before --- of all these 30 something apartments - that he maintains - there isn't a respectable, decent place for him to have lunch?

It bothered me. It still does.

Something is wrong here, something is very wrong.

So, instead of singing: Man in the mirror. I thought to myself, we should be the example we want the world to become (paraphrasing Ghandi's words).

But, it's not good enough for you to want to 'start with the man in the mirror', but rather, reflect that changed man onto the world. (besides: helping others is easier than helping yourself, no?)

I think the key thing is that 'reflection' --- the world is harsh --- anybody can tell you that.  But, we all don't experience the same harshness, our levels of harsh are different and we all know it could get worse.

*before I lose the plot --- let me get to the end.

I think, we therefore need to care for others, show compassion, accommodate, listen, engage, go out of your way, lend a hand – all those good things you see on cheesy calendars.

I also, think, the state, government, NGO's, the UN, cannot change the world --- they are a reflection of what the world is, including it's illusions about who should bring about this peace.

A government is a representation of a people --- when the government fails those people, it is the people that have failed.

We should then ensure we resemble and reflect the world we want the world to be.

I am hoping this makes sense --- I guess, that's the problem with a thought provoking an emotion.

Aluta, continua.