It is becoming a reoccurring scenario – there is no electricity, again. Two nights in a row. It is quite upsetting, considering I have tasked myself with quite a lot of work to be done by end of January.
This (lack of power) might make me consider moving out of mom's house, again. I am not keen on renting a flat, I want a house, free-standing.
But, the upside is that I am writing again on this here book. So the power cuts are good for something – even though I have two hours of battery life I am not keen to do any work that I won't finish properly.
Wait, I just got a thought:
… this lack of power is quite symbolic. I could infer it to that love situation I am dealing with.
But, I am on that last phase of love, when it fades. The only good thing about being a Cancerian is that, we know how to make love fade away:
we know how not to love (well at least to never, ever, again feel that emotion).
The catch is that it will take another 5 more years to wear down these walls that I am efficiently, silently and painfully building.
*but then again, that is only a catch if I matter.
(moving right along)
I know I have said I want to retire by the age of 35 (which gives me 3 years before that happens). I am no longer sure of that:
if the current state of affairs at home: as in the entire family (including extended family members) stays the same by the time I hit 35.
My retirement will be from self-employment into full-time employment. There is no way my family can be at the same state it was in when I entered this world, by the time I die.
… these degrees I hold and the experience I have should amount to something that my family can benefit from.
It is a fantastic thing to realise your true passion/potential and try to exploit it, but, it is another thing to realise that in-fact that potential can be maximised if another path is chosen.
I believe, a path chosen is only a path chosen.
I will have to reflect on that.
"...There is no way my family can be at the same state it was in when I entered this world, by the time I die..." — bow.
Mokhonoana
Jan 2010
*merci*
nkoane
Jan 2010
I swear to God, i was about to quote the exact words that Mokokoma just quoted.
(anyways)
this is a powerful essay. i'm just wondering tho, is your family depend on u so much? or simply u feel you have a responsibility to change things?
that is just a thought.
BTW, This essay reminds me of something my mom told me a while back.
buchana
Jan 2010
They are not dependant on me — but I do feel that I need to be more than a black-man-trying-to-make-ends-meet.
I should be in a position that any family member can take any chosen path they want and know that, worse-comes-to-worst, I got their back.
So, it's a self-inflicted responsibility — but as the years move on, my mother will have to retire (which would mean, all my aunt's and my uncle will soon follow), then the question becomes who would be the elders in this family (tree)?
nkoane
Jan 2010