I truly need to understand what is it about this season, Summer, that slows me down.

I am less productive, I got deadlines crawling up from everywhere and all I can think about is beer and being out in the sun.

I thought I had picked up a rhythm to finish a lot of work, but I seem to have lost it

in fact as I write this, there is project I am supposed to be doing, but all I can do is try and find a drinking partner (btw: I have failed, everybody is at work, bloody loosers)

Anywhoo --- I think amma head out anyway, and try and get drunk somewhere outthere, with whomever I find outthere drinking.

*raises (imaginary) glass to summer.

So, so, so, so, so so.

I am asking myself, how does a 'relationship' start out --- I mean the romantic (and/or sexual) starts?  What sparks it, what create it, when does it begin to be a relationship.

I remember a time, when I was 'with' a Muse --- we never really had an anniversary date (we had a whole month, september, I think) --- we were not sure of which date we 'actually' started being, 'together'.

What marks that, 'starting point'?

a kiss? sex? intimate 'sensual' moments? a date? first time you met?

Well, I don't know --- that's what I'm trying to understand,

at what point can you say you are with someone?

But, of all things I know about 'intimacy/relationships' is that once you have kissed that person, it's on --- whatever it is that is going on.

*goes back to la'la land.

ps: I know nothing of matters of the heart.

You know there is certain amount of pride, that goes into doing something, be it you love or it not, but there is glory in being able to bring something to life.

it's alive.

but, like any first-time parent would tell you, a child being born is only the easy part --- that being has to live longer than you do.

and that is the analogy I want to carry into the things I build, things that last beyond my life time, or even my interest in the thing itself.

like teaching.

You teach, student learns. You move on --- they grow beyond what you taught them.  I see the things I do in the same light --- start it, nourish it, let it grow.

Where am I going with this, well, its simple:

don't start or do anything that lacks the power to grow itself (Faithless type quote).

That is the state of mind, I am today. Oh, and

do not obsess about it outliving you --- you won't be alive to see what happens to it, so why care?

1ove, work.

You know, for as long as I can remember, being, a person, ke le motho --- I have found music, rather, uhm, a strange phenomena.

I mean, how does music actually work?  There is a few sequence of vibrations, that generate sounds with varying frequences and amplitutes, right? Simple, mechanical process, right?

But,

How does it evoke, that illusive thing, that is inherently there, intrinsic(ly) valued, that we define as a 'person'?

How does it do it? How do those silly vibrations, frequencies and varying amplitudes do that to a vary organic matter, as a human?

I mean, there is nothing to being human, but a collection of molecules and stuff (read: too lazy to get into the chemical make up of human tissue).

How does music do it, how does it evoke, the soul (regardless if you believe in divine ideas or not), the being, the thing, the emotions?

You know, I think I have written somewhere in this 'book' about music, being a fantastic trigger of memory, but why? How?

I am disturbed, by it --- in a pleasant, yet, not so mind numbing, but thought provoking way.

I am amused, I suppose.