this entry (or rather this essay ;-) was not planned, don't know if you have noticed, but I want keep a one essay per week type entry, on this journal (or rather book).

But, the events at 75, got the hair on back raised --- the humility and humbleness of being part of something.  You know it's easy for me to gloat about 'yeah, that's my shit, this and that' --- but to be honest, 75 is no longer mine, and that is the holy grail I've been silently aiming for.

I've now, then become a slave to it, because it is bigger than me, it is beyond me, it is fantastic.

Although, the fact that I am broke (still am) brought about a near collapse of the project, it made me realise that this Growth Project needs to be handled differently and a change in execution is in order.

Matome argues a whole lot for 'execution', but, I fear my friend you neglect that it comes with requirements or resources, without the right resources (money, human, spirit, talent, time), it is futile to execute.

So, for the next 3 months, I will be going into a 'capital' generation mode for all projects, this has the consequence that most project development cycles will be stalled, but I'd rather have capital than projects that cant be seen because the 'server' is not available.

Alas, I am humbled by the events on 75, there is indeed love.

I have always wondered how one has the friends he has.  How did it come about that out of probably a hundred thousand people one has met over the 30 years of living, one has chosen the select few, probably less than 10 as your friends.

This weekend I learnt why, I think it has to do with temperament.  Your friends can deal with your temper, not only condone it (when required) but they can also piss you off, whilst you are already pissed off. 

Their job is not make you feel good, but to make you a better person, regardless of how you feel and think about anything.

Then, there is loyalty.  Loyalty not in the sake of keeping the peace, but loyalty that strengthens you in the long term.

In fact, I beginning to think your friends are actually extension of your alter-ego, not your ego, but that thing you want to be, but cannot.

and because it takes relatively 10 years or so to iron out who your actual friends are, making news friends is out of the question, sure you make new acquaintances, but anybody that is 'new' has to have already gone through the trials and tribulations of 'being alive' --- so when you do become friends there are things that don't have to be learnt.

Although, I thrive on new people, new perspective, but I've come to terms with the fact I just don't have the time for people to learn some basic principles of diplomacy.

Yes, friendship is about diplomacy.  I think that is what I'm trying to say.

Okay, now I have to work --- I am broke as hell, need to finish this project and get paid, so I can focus on other important things.

Almost on a daily basis I walk to the garage and back, it has become a daily routine, well almost.  I realised that I walk with my eyes looking at my feet.

I think I need to walk with my head looking ahead, looking forward, anticipate what is coming.

Keep your head up.

I then realised that maybe my style of walking was reflective of the type of person I was.  Looking at every single step my feet made --- relates to always looking to the now, this moment, making sure I am right footed, right now.

Whereas looking up, would mean, I plan ahead, I react to what is coming and not what has come.

I think when I was in Sub-B (grade 2) my mother would say:

Whenever you comb your hair, make sure the comb starts from the back and runs to the front of your head.  That way, you show intent of heading somewhere.

Never got to understand that.  She also used to say:

When you wear clothes, always start with the pants, then the shirt.  Just in case you have to quickly leave the house.

When I was a child and very shy, still am, walking with my head down meant I did not have to make eye contact with anybody --- I could silently exist without being part of the existence. 

BUT, I think now it's time, to look up,

to grow up.

and no, I am not going to say it's thousand and great --- I find the phrase too cheesy for the potential this year has --- this year is that year.

Cast that stone --- the phrase came to mind as I was typing.

This year. Will be one of the corner stone years, that one will look back on half way down the line and say,

those 3 to 5 years of doing this and that have amounted to this year.

I am mad inspired, feeling good, feeling great.  I am mad excited about the (n). project.  I am mad loving 75, more so what people feel about it, it's bloody awesome.

I am excited about the prospects of Studio83 (even though Gorgeous don't listen), I am more excited that S83 has now allowed me to work on the design (the web site that is), don't get me wrong KOTN did mad justice to it --- amma just elevate it.

Gusto, live your life with it. Word to moms.  As I type this, I am 30% percent done with it --- I can't seem to get  to the end, can't wait to finish it --- it will change what we call 'blogging'.

A few minutes ago, I was rolling with Umdabu --- listened to his 3rd un-released album --- mad ideas happened in 10 minutes --- I am excited about that.  ICE+BLOK Sessions are now truly going to happen, I've just found the soundtracks for the sessions, word to moms!

Last night, I was with Sizzla The Kingrat --- he has silkscreen equipment, you know what that means, that illusive t-shirt dream called Apara, Skippa, is now starting to clear itself into reality.

This state of mind, is all because of a young woman I spoke to just before I left for Cape Town.  I said to her, the reason why most of the things I want to do never get done is because life gets in the way.

She replied:

... then you need to get rid of the life that gets in the way of the life you want to live.

Amen, Sister.