Wiki, says:
An Achilles' heel is a fatal weakness in spite of overall strength, actually or potentially leading to downfall.
and I believe I have found mine.
Ironically, that white-haired-bearded guy in the Matrix called the Architect was right:
[paraphrased]: through human suffering, our best qualities are shown.
It took a near catastrophic event to realise: through all that I have done, achieved, acquired and what not, I have actually not done anything at all.
and what is my Achilles' heel:
my ability to reason and justify anything.
the irony in that is, my greatest strength is:
my ability to reason and justify anything.
you see the flaw in my existence? When I was young, I was a genius, not because I inherited some good genes nor was I born with scientific/mathematical mind (hell, I was terrible in mathematics when I was growing up).
I was a genius, because the circumstances I was in, forced my mind to think, to find ways out, to find solutions to any given problem.
Then in later life, solutions where put in place, and thus, I had no need for the 'ability' to think harder, work quicker, I became lazy, I became consumed by own achievements.
Yesterday, I was reminded of that, I was reminded that, I have not done what I needed to do, to do more beyond myself, to achieve what my mother has narrated a million times, my destiny.
I know my prescribed destiny, I have refused it, I have denied it, I have rebelled against it, and replaced it with my own destiny.
(digression)
can a man choose his own destiny? is it still destiny if it is chosen? is not, ambition?
(end of digression)
and yesterday, was that day/night where I had to remember, that there is no I/self in my destiny.
and so, we begin, or rather, re-open that chapter we started in 1986 and continue where we left off in 2002. I have however, given myself 10 months to begin this new chapter at the least.
and that will be my state of being, human.