err, uhm, I am without words, so I'll let Ray LaMontagne say it all through his song: Let it be me

There comes a time,
A time in everyone's life
When nothing seems to go your way,
When nothing seems to turn out right

There may come a time,
You just can't seem to find your place
For every door you open,
Seems like you get two slammed in your face

That's when you need someone,
Someone that you, you can call.
When all your faith is gone,
It feels like you can't go on

q.e.d

it is empowering, I am told.

I think it is not, it is dis-empowering because you have to make a choice.

To have the right (and sometimes the opportunity) is all good in all senses of the word good,

BUT,

because you have to make a choice, you have to choose, you no longer have that choice, because you have made your choice.

I know not what the alternative could be, but I suppose one could choose to keep having the same choices available, all the time, all through life, and maybe with more choices, but never really make a choice.

and yes, I know the counter argument would be:

would you rather not have a choice?

If that is your argument, then you are not hearing what I am trying to say (or allude to).

*sips on some juice.

Wiki, says:

An Achilles' heel is a fatal weakness in spite of overall strength, actually or potentially leading to downfall.

and I believe I have found mine.

Ironically, that white-haired-bearded guy in the Matrix called the Architect was right:

[paraphrased]: through human suffering, our best qualities are shown.

It took a near catastrophic event to realise: through all that I have done, achieved, acquired and what not, I have actually not done anything at all.

and what is my Achilles' heel:

my ability to reason and justify anything.

the irony in that is, my greatest strength is:

my ability to reason and justify anything.

you see the flaw in my existence? When I was young, I was a genius, not because I inherited some good genes nor was I born with scientific/mathematical mind (hell, I was terrible in mathematics when I was growing up).

I was a genius, because the circumstances I was in, forced my mind to think, to find ways out, to find solutions to any given problem.

Then in later life, solutions where put in place, and thus, I had no need for the 'ability' to think harder, work quicker, I became lazy, I became consumed by own achievements.

Yesterday, I was reminded of that, I was reminded that, I have not done what I needed to do, to do more beyond myself, to achieve what my mother has narrated a million times, my destiny.

I know my prescribed destiny, I have refused it, I have denied it, I have rebelled against it, and replaced it with my own destiny.

(digression)

can a man choose his own destiny? is it still destiny if it is chosen? is not, ambition?

(end of digression)

and yesterday, was that day/night where I had to remember, that there is no I/self in my destiny.

and so, we begin, or rather, re-open that chapter we started in 1986 and continue where we left off in 2002.  I have however, given myself 10 months to begin this new chapter at the least.

and that will be my state of being, human.

The pun in the tittle is intended, in fact, it is the true title.

I am a scientist.

Yes, I am.

and thus, everything, that is true, is only true, because I can prove it so.

The problem with lies, that I have is that, a good lie (pun?) hides around everything else that is true.  I believe the clichéd phrase is:

read between the lines.

I say,

read between the lies.

then, just maybe we might find truth, if this world is masked with lies, just to keep it moving, one has to think harder just to find the truth.

Ain't that a shame --- all the good qualities of being human are still the hardest things to emulate.

Sad.