I spoke to K yesterday, she says:

I like arguing, it's in my nature.

It's wired I've always known this, I've heard people say it behind my back and sometimes they would tell me.  So, I'll take a fews days/weeks to ignore all impulses to argue.

To quote, Woody Allen (from Anything Else)

... in life, the number of people who will tell how to live your life will perpetually increase.  What you need to do, is not to dismiss them, but respond by saying: Wow, that's a fantastic idea, I will do it.  Then you go about living life your own way.

I suspect, this is my last entry for the year --- there is quite a bit of work I need to do (in and around these neck of the woods).

Aluta, Continua. 

is the second well known word after Coke.

My mother has spoken

Lebogang ke kgale o sokola, ngwanaka. Ngwaga otlang o seke wa sokola.

and that is true.

I read a few pages on a book whilst at CNA (good product, bad company) looking for another book (Starting Your Own Business in South Africa) I had owned before, but lost, the words read (paraphrased):

 Why is it that somebody else less talented, less gifted, putting less effort and energy can achieve (badly) what you want to do?

What the book was about, was knowing when to quit.  It is evident that most people would continually keep saying to you:

be strong, have patience, stay the course, have faith, work harder, work smarter, be driven, to achieve a goal

What they don't know is, I've been doing that since I came back from exile, 19th of December 1991.

I think it's time I quit.  I think I have misplaced my passion and drive, the last time I was very passionate about something (excluding relationships) was when I was teaching and when I was being taught, when I was scholar.

Since Monday morning, I have been resigned.  In simple terms I have given up, I am no longer pursuing anything, anything whatsoever.

So, in short,

all dreams, ambitions, goals, plans, life and anything that requires me to do something has been dropped,

until that day I can honestly answer this simple question:

What is the point of it all?

The jury is out.

You know, they say if a entrepenuer can survive the first 3 years, they are most likely to stay that way. What they do not tell you is that towards the 3 year mark, it's tough, it's difficult.

Also, there is a lot of talk about 'starting a business', but nobody tells you how to stay in business.  Starting is easy, running it, is hard.

But, that is the least of my problems right now.  It does not matter if my business works out or not, what I do know is that, I am tired.

My Qi (chi) is effed.  I have no inspiration.  I have no drive.  I am no longer motivated.

but, above it all, I think I am tired of fighting.  I am tired of 'paying my dues', in the words of a ballad I don't remember the artist: I can't give anymore.

I rest. I don't want to fight anymore, I need peace, I need silence, I need harmony, I need to be content.  I need balance.

So, I think it's best to say that I won't fight anymore.  I will breath, I will feel, I will live, but I won't fight to be so.