in the begining.
  1. 01

    Sweet Misery

    … and again music is soul.

    I wish I didn't feel it
    I know it just ain't right
    But it seems to pop up in my head
    Morning, noon, and night
    I just can't release it
    The memory of you
    Mama never told me
    Love would leave me so damn blue

    1ove, melancholy.

  2. 02

    Angel

    You, know — they don't make music like the used to.  I know that sounds old.  Here I am listening to Sarah McLachlan's Angel:

    … spend all your time waiting, for that second chance. For a break that will make it okay.  There is always some reason to feel not good enough, and it's hard at the end of the day.

    … I need some distraction, oh beautiful release, memory seep from my veins. Let me be empty and weightless and may I'll find some peace tonight.

    … and the words are absolutely perfect — if you remember the show The Pretender, that was the first I heard it. It was also on that movie with Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan: City of Angels.

    1ove, melancholy.

  3. 03

    Lhasa de Sela.

    … she reminds me of Sarah McLachlan.

    …after all that has been said and done. I won't ask you where you're going. Don't keep in touch.  I don't miss you much, except sometimes early in the morning.

    Now, use your silver tongue once more, there's one thing that I'd like to know. Did you ever believe the lies that you told? Did you own the fool's gold that you gave me? — Lhasa de Sela (Fool's Gold).

    1ove, melancholy.

  4. 04

    We learn

    So,

    Tomorrow, we start teaching again — I had vowed never to do it, but alas, I am doing it, again.  I do sense that this will be the last time I do it 'till 2013.

    Don't believe what they tell you — teaching is exhausting.  There is a fundamental difference between wanting to know something and having to know it.

    Furthermore, there is a difference between that and needing to know.  My job, and I do suspect it is not to teach anybody anything, but to create the 'environment' for them to learn it.

    I'd go as far as to say:

    nobody is ever taught anything.

    I neither have the temperament to explain that nor do I have all my 'arguments' in line to support that — I only sense it.  I suspect someday, I'll come back to this, for now, lets roll with it.

    I am some how looking forward to this academic year — I envision a good year, and that 'good' is not reliant on what the learners will be producing or of what calibre they are, all I know is:

    … come end of December, they will be that good.

    For someone who is almost an atheist, I tend to have a lot o' faith in things I am not in control of.  I never like the word belief, it sounds devoid of reason.

    Okay, I digress — let me get back to planning for school.

    Until, until.

  5. 05

    Love, observed.

    Here is a quick thought or observation (if you will).

    the multitudes of thoughts and dreams (or nightmares) that come with not telling somebody you love them are worse than the pain of knowing, for a fact, the person you love does not love you.

    … I think, if you have not told that person, you mind wonders in two possibilities simultaneously:

    1. you tell them and they love you too
    2. and you tell them and they don't.

    So, if you let them know how you feel, you will know which of the two it is — and thus the misery (or joy) is one of the two and not both.

    In theory, anyway.

preface

These words are mine. You might agree or disagree with them, or you might find yourself offended by them. They are only words, not sticks, not stones (without a cast).

the conversation